Love and Honor
In Chapter 12 of the book of Romans the Apostle Paul lays out the “Marks of a True Christian” with a long list of qualities that should be displayed in our lives as believers in Christ. Many of them are instructions regarding how we are called to relate to our brothers and sisters in Christ. This is very clearly stated in Romans 12:10, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
The New American Standard translation is “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love: give preference to one another in love.”
It is interesting to consider the meaning of brotherly love. From the definition of “feelings of humanity and compassion toward one’s fellow humans” to the words of Jesus in John 13:34, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another”, we can see that the meaning here applies specifically to those who are brothers and sisters in Christ—the ones Jesus loved. 1 Thessalonians 4:9 expands on this: “Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing.”
One of the outstanding examples of brotherly affection in the Bible is the friendship between Jonathan (the son of King Saul) and David. The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and he made a covenant with him, ever after protecting him from his father’s evil intentions. The last time they were together these were Jonathan’s words to David, “And as for the matter of which you and I have spoken, behold, the Lord is between you and me forever” (1 Samuel 20:23). Jonathan was eventually killed in battle and King David returned his friend’s faithfulness years later by providing care for his disabled son and inviting him into his royal court.
In Colossians 4:9 Paul describes his affection for Tychicus. “He is a beloved brother and faithful minister and fellow servant in the Lord. I have sent him for this very purpose…and with him Onesimus, our faithful and beloved brother, who is one of you.” We can sense the closeness Paul has with these two men by the tender way he expresses his feelings.
In the life of Jesus, we see that he demonstrated brotherly love by serving brothers and sisters who came to him with needs, who were poor, sick, or distressed. The Bible has so many examples of the love and compassion Jesus had toward anyone who needed to be cared for. “And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and affliction” (Matthew 9:35). As we follow Christ with other believers, we will be exposed to many of them who are poor, sick, distressed, or needy in some way and we will be given the opportunity to help meet those needs with love like Jesus did.
In Romans 12:15 Paul reminds us to “rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” These are ways we can unselfishly show our love to our brothers and sisters by sharing in their joy and comforting in their sadness. The Bible is encouraging us to be available to serve in this way even if it is inconvenient or uncomfortable. If we trust in our God, he will enable us to minister in these emotional circumstances.
The New Testament scriptures urge us to follow through in loving and honoring each other because that is the mark by which people will know that we belong to Christ (John 13:35). In some ways I believe that honoring or showing preference to our brothers and sisters is a concept that is not thought about very much, even among Christians. That could be because we live in a culture that encourages being “self” centered, and “self” pleasing. In our own nature, in our flesh, we are not as apt to think of ways to elevate someone else since we are too focused on elevating ourselves. Contrary to that we are told to “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” in Phil. 2:3-4. Elisabeth Elliot writes, “When you make the satisfaction of somebody else’s desire your own concern, you will be a source of refreshment, a builder, a leader into healing and rest at a time when things around you seem to have crumbled.”
This may seem like a challenging behavioral goal to attain for yourself. However, we must remember that God is always working in us to mold us to the image of Jesus and that involves our cooperation. Growth and improvement in this area comes from our yielding ourselves to God and His Holy Spirit working in us; in listening to the Spirit and obeying and following His lead. Step by step we can begin to recognize changes in our thoughts and attitudes.
Consider some other definitions of honor: to show appreciation, respect, or affection for, recognize, compliment, congratulate, give credit for, or thank someone. To express this honor to someone we must be thinking about doing it, and how we could do it - not by just using a few words or giving them a high five! We could make a call to see how they are doing. We could send them a text or mail a card or note to tell them that we appreciate them, and why we do. We could meet someone for coffee or lunch. Even with these many suggestions you may be acquainted with a person for whom you have a hard time thinking of any way that you could honor them. I believe that with prayer and humility God will reveal creative ideas that will fit that person.
Sometimes God brings a person into your life that you would not be drawn to be friends with, but God can use these kinds of relationships to rub off your sharp edges, Proverbs 27:17. By using this opportunity to help them, bless them, and do things with them you might not prefer, you may become less self-centered, more tolerant of a person who is different than you, learn different and interesting things, and enlarge your perspective and your worldview. You can become more able to love other brothers and sisters who are not like you with the Holy Spirit helping you to give grace to others. I have experienced God’s work in me through experiences like this.
Since we are commanded to have affection for one another and to give honor and preference to one another, let’s look at some ways in which we can live out our lives practicing it:
Pray for each other—drawing you close to God, and to each other.
Invite them into your home—especially those who do not seem to have Christian friends.
Meet their needs—whenever it is possible to come alongside them and help. Offer to babysit, take a meal, loan a vehicle, offer a ride, visit to encourage and support, run an errand.
Forbear and forgive—use self-control and patience; forgive those who trespass against you.
Refuse to gossip—hold your tongue and don’t participate in spreading rumors.
Fellowship together—get to know one another; help one another grow in Christ.