Encourage and Uplift
Encouragement has the power to completely alter—or at the very least shift—somebody’s whole perspective on life. I am sure that many of you can think of times in your life where someone has encouraged you in a very specific way, and, completely unknown to them, it had a massive impact on your life. For me, I can think of an incident almost immediately. I was a young man and had just started out in ministry. While the role was nothing glamorous, at the time it was a huge deal for me. I had no real preaching experience, and my boss pushed me to practice by scheduling me to speak at the youth ministry.
After I had delivered my first sermon the plan was to have the pastors at the church review it in the weekly sermon review. I remember being extremely nervous going into this because I had been a part of it for the previous part of the year. I knew, from sitting in that room, that these pastors did not pull punches. They really cared about the careful exposition of God’s word and wanted to help people grow in their ability to do that. Sometimes this meant challenging things were said.
Finally, it was my turn for review. I was nervous, I wasn’t sure what was going to be said, and quite frankly I wasn’t even sure if I should be a preacher. As we began our meeting one of the pastors—who I really respected—asked me, “how many times have you preached before this?” I hadn’t really preached before that, so I said, “none.” And then he did something that surprised me. He stood up, clapped, and said, “for your first sermon you did a really good job.” Now, I know that this sermon was not that good. I can go back even now and listen to it. I know there are things that are just cringeworthy about it. I even remember preaching it and fumbling over my words and feeling foolish. Nothing in this story should make you think that I am great. The reason I’m telling you this is not for my validation, but it is to show you the power of encouragement in someone’s life.
This pastor knew exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. He knew exactly how to encourage me and uplift me in an area of my life in which I was uncertain. Lots was said in that meeting after that which was meant to sharpen me. Lots of constructive criticism was shared, but all of it was interpreted through the lens of that first bit of encouragement I received. I can honestly say, that if it wasn’t for that moment, I am not sure if I would have continued on pursuing the vocation of ministry. Words of encouragement have power.
The flip side of this is that words of discouragement can break someone. I think many of us can relate to this as well. R.C. Sproul once said (and I’m paraphrasing) that “99% of constructive criticism is really better called destructive criticism.” I once sat under someone in ministry who would consistently offer me “constructive criticism”. They were particularly hard on me because I was “on their growth track”. This consistent criticism had a profoundly negative effect upon me. It made me discouraged, jaded, and angry. So much so that even when encouragement was offered it was effectively meaningless. Why? Because it was interpreted through the lens of these discouraging things that were said to me. Words of discouragement have power.
As we continue along in our series of blog posts on the “one another” passages of Scripture, this week we come to a text that is all about encouraging one another. In 1 Thessalonians 5:11 we read, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” This verse appears at the end of a long paragraph of the Apostle Paul’s where he writes about the inevitable return of Jesus Christ. According to Paul this truth should give us hope because “God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Thes. 5:9). It is as a result of this reality that Paul exhorts the Thessalonians to encourage, and build up one another. Let us turn now to consider this verse and how we might learn to encourage and build up each other from it.
1) Act As If the World is Ending
It seems to me that a big part of Paul’s exhortation to encourage and build up here stems from the truth that Jesus Christ will return. Paul even highlights that the return of Jesus will “come like a thief in the night” meaning you do not know when. It could be today, tomorrow, who knows! The result of this truth should be that we act in such a way that would please the Lord if he were to return while we were doing that particular action. Jesus says this more explicitly in the Gospel of Matthew. There he gives a parable of a servant whose master goes on a journey and puts them in charge of his household. After seeing that the master has been gone awhile this servant starts to act extremely wickedly. The warning Jesus gives is that the master “will come on a day he does not expect him” and he will “cut him in pieces” (Matt. 24:50-51). The same principle is being alluded to in 1 Thessalonians, but this time with the specific application of encouraging and building one another up.
Think for a moment about the way that you talk to your brothers and sisters in Christ. If Jesus were to return the moment in which you spoke to them, would he be pleased? Think about the way you speak to your spouse or children. If Jesus were to be standing behind you as you spoke, and then gently tapped you on the shoulder as you concluded, would your response be fear or joy? Let the reality that Jesus could appear at any moment spur you on to speak words of encouragement that build up rather than tear down.
2) Consider the Impact
As previously mentioned, words of encouragement have a great power to build someone up. Yet, words of discouragement have a great power to tear someone down. Therefore, consider the impact of your words.
The same truth can be communicated in a way that will encourage and build someone up versus a way that will tear someone down and discourage them. It is up to us to be wise, and to seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit, to know what and how to communicate certain things in certain moments. James writes, “How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness” (James 3:5–6). The misuse of the tongue, to speak words rashly and foolishly can set “on fire the entire course of life” (James 4:6).
This has become especially pertinent in my life as of late. Something that is true of me is that I express affection through gentle ribbing. However, the line between good natured ‘gentle ribbing’ and discouraging words can be very thin. It’s very possible for me to be joking around, thinking it is all fun and games, only later to realize—usually at my wife pointing it out to me—that I hurt someone’s feelings, that I tore them down. Now I could respond to this by calling said person a “snowflake” or digging my heels in and saying, “it was just a joke” (which I do), but the right response is to recognize that it is my responsibility to exercise wisdom in what I say. We are responsible for our words and need to consider the impact of the things we say.
3) Tone Counts
One of my favorite sitcoms is the 90s classic Seinfeld. This is one of those shows that I could watch on repeat for the rest of my life. In one episode Kramer, Jerry’s goofy neighbor, decides to help Jerry’s girlfriend prepare for the Miss America pageant. Throughout the episode Kramer screams multiple times, “poise counts!” Well, for us we need to remember that “tone counts!”
Often it is not just what we say, but how we say something that can ultimately have a discouraging effect. An area in which this is especially pertinent is in our online discourse. Unfortunately, the online medium is not good at communicating tone. Therefore, we might post something online thinking—let’s say a political position for the sake of argument—in what we perceive to be a matter of fact, obvious, and clear way. However, because tone is impossible to see, someone may read that and think that we are a raving lunatic hell bent on pushing the agenda of one political party. This person responds, perhaps even in what they perceive to be a straightforward gentle way, but you perceive it as a personal attack! And on and on this cycle goes.
Something as innocent as a Facebook post can be the spark that sets aflame a serious division in the church. It can literally be the thing that starts the process of tearing down rather than building up. If tone counts, and the online medium is extremely bad at communicating tone, then perhaps the online medium is not the place to share views and opinions that might cause division amongst your brothers and sisters in Christ. Perhaps it is not the place to share your latest thoughts on the election, or the war, or really anything for the sake of your brothers and sisters in Christ.
Conclusion
This blog has looked at three things we should consider as we seek to be people who encourage and build up rather than discourage. We should act as if the world is ending, consider the impact of our words, and realize that tone counts. However, we should also actively seek ways to encourage and build up. Spend some time in prayer today and think about someone from Life Pointe whom you want to encourage. Send them a text or an email and tell them what you were thinking about. Maybe someone in your small group always shares insightful things, then tell them that, build them up. Perhaps you are just really thankful for the work that people like Rich, Katie, and others put into the men’s and women’s ministries. Shoot them a text and tell them that they’re doing a good job. Maybe a friend from church is going through something challenging. Call them and tell them you’ve been thinking about them, praying for them, and then encourage them by telling them something that they’re good at. There are so many ways for us to do this work of encouraging one another, so let’s make it our goal to do it while the world around us is fighting over politics, power, and presidents.